Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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