so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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