If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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