I need to stop coming to work sober
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
