apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
