she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
