I'm lost and stupid without you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
