why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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