i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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