Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
