Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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