This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
