How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
