TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
