I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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