pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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