you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
