she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
