My sheets look like a crime scene.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
