Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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