3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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