There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
