he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
