those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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