just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
