and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
