Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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