Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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