discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
