I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We left the knife in your bed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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