Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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