we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
