Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Let's get the cat blown out
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME