I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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