meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dating After Heartbreak
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.