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I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're like the curious george of whores
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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