just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.