A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym