Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.

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(512): View more from Texas

We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(310): View more from California

she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.

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(312): View more from Illinois

the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses

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(910): View more from North Carolina

i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.

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