My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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