Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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