i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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