Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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