I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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