The maid of honor just puked.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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