Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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