my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
