PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
