six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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