If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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