You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
