better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
