dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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