Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
