I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize