I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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