He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
