I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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