glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize