I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
