I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
