First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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