you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm like, not good at living.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
