Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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