Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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