she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
