If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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