Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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