he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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