return my video game
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
