Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
