walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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