This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
