he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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