good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
