I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
